Egg donation: why I gave up my right to remain anonymous

By Laura Witjens, Chair of the National Gamete Donation Trust

I’ll never know what made me watch breakfast television that morning. Being a single working mother with two one-year olds, it was a luxury I could ill afford. But I did, and one of the items changed my life forever. The same day, I contacted a fertility clinic and told them I wanted to be an egg donor.

It was the year 2000 and discussions about the removal of anonymity from egg and sperm donors were only just taking place between patient groups and other fertility organisations. For me, at the time just a willing and partly-informed donor, the notion of being known to any resulting offspring wasn’t even a blip on the radar. The counsellor who I saw at the clinic was satisfied I knew what I was doing and, other than the known medical ones, no other long-term implications were discussed. Some months later the deed was done: 13 healthy follicles were harvested and I left the clinic with the feeling I’d done something momentous. Just how momentous, I only found out years later.

Not satisfied with the information available, as well as certain parts of the process, I made another life changing step. I contacted the National Gamete Donation Trust (NGDT) and asked if I could volunteer. I became a Trustee and, motivated by the pending removal of anonymity and differences of opinion with other Trustees, I went on to become the Chair. It’s a position I’ve held for the last six years and in this time I’ve taken part in many gamete donation discussions.

I firmly believe in leading by example, a philosophy I carry through to my work as a business woman and as Chair of the NGDT. So, with such an emotive subject, how could I lead an organisation without putting my money where my mouth was? If I truly believed in the identity of the donor being disclosed to the donor-conceived person, the legislation at the time of my donation shouldn’t have been relevant to me. I knew that re-registering as a known donor with the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) might be futile, since the family created out of my donation would never realise that their donor was willing to be known. Still, it was a matter of principle for me, and one that required substantial soul searching.

I asked myself the many questions that many donors in my position might ask: Can I empathise so much with these people that I’m prepared to open my door, my life, my family at a time that suits them? At the same time, can I be distant enough and accept that whilst I am prepared to make important steps towards that person’s wellbeing, I will never find out if indeed they are well? More importantly, how would my children deal with this? They had absolutely no say in my choice to become a donor, but it’s known that many donor-conceived people are more curious about their half-siblings than their donor. In other words, it wouldn’t be me they were after; they would want to meet my own ‘flesh and blood’ children.

You’re a stranger and you’re a friend of mine

Because of the shortage of donated eggs and sperm in the UK, it’s common for recipients to go public in their search for a donor. Often donors attracted this way donate to the couple at the top of the waiting list, pulling the recipients to the top of the queue for the next donor. This means the donor and the recipients remain anonymous, received wisdom being that both feel more comfortable with this.

It’s much more unusual for people to attend clinics with a stranger offering to donate. Emma Hartnell-Baker, who runs a website enabling sperm donors and recipients to contact each other, has recently criticised the HFEA for attempting to solve the donor shortage by reviewing whether donors should be paid.

She argues that sperm donors are not put off by lack of ‘pay’ or anonymity – on the contrary, she says that many donors prefer to get to know the people receiving their sperm:

What the authorities are failing to recognise is that donors want to choose who they donate to – and on what terms. Most do so as they want to know the child can have information before the age of 18… many of my members talk of being ‘interviewed’ by the donor – who is ensuring they are emotionally and financially ready to raise a child.

It is very common for donors to want to know whether the couples they donate to are vetted to be sure they’d be good parents. And other donors like the personal involvement of taking a journey alongside their recipients. NGDT trustee Cathy Sidaway comments:

Once I’d gone through the process of donating anonymously and donating to a couple I’d met, I knew I’d only work with the latter in future.

There are still many donors and recipients who are very comfortable with anonymity at the point of donation – and some who still take the view that donors should always remain anonymous. But for those donors and recipients who feel comfortable, perhaps there is another way to build a family: by meeting and getting to know each other.

For more information:

• HFEA Donation Review